Letting go of older versions of ME

I had some time to reflect this morning about who I am and where I am and how it is changing the way I act and think. For many, you know that I am an athlete but let me preface that with, I have been an overweight athlete since I played in my first organized sport at the age of 5. I can say with confidence that I have always been able to manage the complexities of being a large frame but still capable of speed, agility and overall athleticism. As I am getting older the effects of carrying around this extra weight for almost 25 years is starting to catch up with me. If I’m really honest with myself it’s been there all along because I never reached my highest potential due to accepting early on that this was my body type and I had the strength and attitude to work hard despite the extra baggage.

It didn’t really hit me until my trainer had a clear heart to heart with me about understanding the challenges of strength training when my body is screaming to stop fighting and start healing. Effective healing looks like being consistent in daily stretching to increase my flexibility. Effective healing looks like being intentional throughout the day to get up and move around every hour. Effective healing is finding opportunities to heat/ice/massage or even seek medical treatment for the injuries I have never fully recovered from. Effective healing is knowing that I can keep pushing myself but I will not become the best version of myself until I release the thoughts of what I use to be able to do so easily and accept that things change—and that’s okay.

Is it okay? I feel like I’m giving up. I feel like I can do more. I am not good enough if I am not performing at a high level.

I am okay. I am enough.

I had to check myself in the middle of my thoughts. One of the flaws of being an athlete is the mindset that you have to earn the praise of your team, your coaches, your family, your friends, even your fans by giving EVERYTHING you have to be the best. After you give your all —through the physical/mental/emotional pain and fatigue—you know who suffers the most? You, your body, and your emotional/mental health. I admire the recent events of professional athletes choosing themselves and honoring what their body communicates to them instead of letting outside pressures influence their athletic decisions. That takes courage.

Grief has a funny way of showing up but here I am finally taking the time to let go of who I use to be or who I felt I had to be to be accepted, appreciated and celebrated. I no longer need the validation. I am relearning what it means to be an athlete. For me, it is becoming so in tune with my body that I can be as powerful and as light as I want to be, having full control of my physical abilities. My goal is to become limitless but it begins by repairing and restoring the broken parts, the unhealed parts of me (MESSAGE: that’s physically, mentally and emotionally). I release the old to bring in the new. #ProgressIsAProcess